


Coup d'étAnt

by antlife



Category: A group where we all pretend to be ants in an ant colony, Cheetos "Chester Cheeto" Advertisements, Glee
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Ants, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Minor Character Death, Romance, Teamwork
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:47:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23843236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antlife/pseuds/antlife
Summary: Ant #20110315 (Kurt) and Ant #20111108 (Blaine) stumble upon a Cheeto. With the help of their ant friends, will they take the Cheeto to their Ant Queen? Or will they feast on the Cheeto for themselves!
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 11
Kudos: 46





	Coup d'étAnt

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, and welcome to Ant Colony #206! Thank you for helping us in our goal of being the most viewed Klaine fan(t) fiction on AO3! This masterpiece was created by Kayla, Mary, Soap, Lex, and all our friends in the Diarglee group chat.

Ant #20110315 and Ant #20111108 were antmates, so to speak. They often went out scavenging together. Some days they were lucky enough to find an empty soda can or the crumbs of an Oreo. 

Never in their tiny ant lives did they think they would stumble upon an entire Cheeto.

But there on the sidewalk _is_ an entire Cheeto, preserved in its beautiful crescent shape. 

Ant #20111108, otherwise known as Ant Blaine, scurries forward in excitement. A whole Cheeto! He never thought he would live to see this day. 

Ant #20110315, otherwise known as Ant Kurt, is apprehensive as he approaches said Cheeto. Full pieces of food are usually taken away by the birds, so this must be a trap. Despite his hesitation, Ant Kurt is excited too. He only hopes they will be able to lift it on their own.

“Oh no,” Ant Blaine cries, pointing with one of his many hantds to the corpse of their fallen brethren, Ant #19951717. “That’s Ant #19951717! She must have tried to L I F T this Cheeto on her own and died.”

“We need reantforcements!” Ant Kurt exclaims, before turning around and running back to their colony to seek the help of their ant friends. There he finds Ant #12121993 and Ant #212121, who come running to his and Blaine’s aid.

“Ant Queen Mary #69420 will be so pleased!” their two ant friends cheer as they raise the roof with their many ant hantds. 

Together, the ants formulate a plan to get the Cheeto back to their Queen. Even though Ant Blaine is strong yet compact, and Ant Kurt is tall and lean, they struggle to carry the bulk of the weight. 

“Ant #212121, go fetch more ants!” Ant Kurt orders the British ant, only for Ant #212121 to return with yet another British ant, Ant #230798, who is also a lesbian ant.

“Lifting that Cheeto is a death wish,” the lesbian ant tells the rest of them. “Why should we risk our lives for the Queen when she wouldn’t do the same for us? I vote that we take the Cheeto for ourselves and feast!”

Ant #230798 was a conspirantor!

Ant Kurt and Ant Blaine look to each other for guidants, but neither know what to do. They live to serve their Queen. Her fate depends on them.

“The Queen needs this Cheeto in order to stay strong and lead our colony!” Ant Kurt tells Ant Blaine.

Ant Blaine is at a crossroads. He knows he has a duty to serve the Queen, but the Cheeto does look dirty cute . . .

“Don’t you think now is the time to be antventurous?” Ant Blaine asks Ant Kurt with lustful eyes. “While we’re still young?”

Ant Kurt ponders on his boyfriend’s words. He is right. They are both male working ants, so they will only live for a few more weeks.

Together, Ant Kurt and Ant Blaine, along with Ants #230798, #212121, and #12121993, all lift the Cheeto above their tiny bodies and carry it away from the corpse of their fallen friend, Ant #19951717. As the ants go marching one by one, they pay their respects by pouring one out.

They sneak away to a secret tunnel, only to be stopped in their tracks by Ant #216969 and Ant #12111991! Two of the baddest bitches in the joint!

“That Cheeto belongs to our Queen Mary!” Ant #216969 yells at the group. “She needs us!”

Ant Blaine steps forward and yells back, “But the Cheeto will be delicious! The Queen never has to know!”

Ant #216969 and Ant #12111991 shrug their many shoulders. “Okay, tru.”

A loud rumbling from outside the secret tunnel makes all the ants turn in anttention. There in the entrantce way is their Queen, Mary #69420! The ants are caught in an ant coup!

“All your Cheetos are belong to us!” The Queen shouts, sitting back on her phat Queen ass. “I order you to return the Cheeto to the colony at once!”

“No! We found this Cheeto all on our own!” Ant Kurt yells at the Queen.

Ant Kurt and Ant Blaine know that the Queen doesn’t need their help in lifting the Cheeto because she is strong enough to lift it on her own. But the Queen is not stronger than the bond of all the ants together.

The worker ants form a show circle around their Cheeto, putting their hantds overtop of it. 

“We can do this!” Ant Blaine says enthusiastically. “All we have to do is lift!”

As a team, the ants L I F T their precious Cheeto and start to run away. The Queen is strong, but is much too slow from how thicc she is, and is unable to catch up with them. 

Ants #12121993, British Ant #212121, lesbian Ant #230798, Ant #216969 and Ant #12111991 all cheer in glee as they escape their Queen with their Cheeto. Far away from the colony, they finally rest their Cheeto on the ground and prepare to fiest.

“Wait!” Another ant calls from behind them. It’s Australian Ant #767443 and Canadian Ant #182011! “You can’t eat without washing your hantds with soap first!”

Of course. Ant Kurt and Ant Blaine do the responsible thing and make sure the ants wash all of their hantds. 

They’re just about to dig into their Cheeto when suddenly, from out of nowhere, a giant boot comes down from the heavens and crushes their Cheeto into orange dust, narrowly avoiding taking the lives of their comrantes.

The ants all weep, especially Ant Blaine, who was excited to share his first whole Cheeto with the love of his life, Ant Kurt.

“I’m sorry, Ant Blaine,” Ant Kurt says, comforting his boyfriend. “We can find another one.”

Ant Blaine shakes his head before kissing Kurt on his ant lips.

“I’ll be okay, because as long as I have you, I’ll be the happiest ant for the rest of my life.”

Which is only for a few more weeks, because they are ants.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you could help share this story with your ant friends, it would be much antpreciated!


End file.
